Saturday, December 8, 2012

Numb, don't be a bum!

Things are rather boring right now, but I guess that's a good thing....right?

So we haven't been updating things much, as it's been the same old grind for most of the last week.  M-W-F Shel is heading to Ann Arbor for blood draws, transfusions and physical therapy.  Most days she's there all stinking day, and comes home utterly destroyed.

M-F I'm working my butt off trying to teach 8th graders to read properly, and doing my darndest to insert some Social Studies information in there too.  I get all three girls fed, cleaned and in bed, and then do lesson planning after everyone has fallen asleep.  Somewhere in there, I try to fit in something for me, but that's always the first to go most days.  (not doing a pity party, but moving towards a point...I swear).

It got me to thinking that I'm just numb.  Numb to the pain, numb to the grind of it all.

It reminded me of this TED talk that I've mentioned before, and how dangerous it is to numb yourself to certain experiences.  If you haven't already watched this, and you have some spare time, watch it now.  I promise you it is worth your time.  Really, watch it now...I'll wait.

So, as she says in the video, and I believe....if you numb yourself to pain and loneliness, you numb yourself to joy and exhilaration as well.

I'm really good at numbing, or escaping crappy things.  Really good.  But then I totally know that this prevents me from being totally in the moment of being with Amie and Anya right now, when they most need me there.

Not sure of where I'm going with all this, it's just what's bouncing around my head today, and I know that my constant desire to escape into books, into video games, into movies and awesome TV shows (I'm a total TV snob, and ignore 99% of what's on broadcast tv, but still) is part of this numbing.  But it's so hard to break out of the patterns of behavior we create, and into a new one.  Not even sure how to go about being me without those things. the pictures!

This picture was the first that I wanted talk about, because I was so proud of Anya.  As Shelley detailed the other day, we've had a really hard time with Amie keeping down food.  She ate great two days in a row (piles of Macaroni and Cheese made with Half and Half, cheesy breadsticks, and other high calorie foods) and both days she puked it all up when we gave her one of her antibiotics.  On both days, after we got her in a better place, Anya was doing such a good job of being a comforting big sister.  Sitting on the couch, feeding her some water and then milk when she was ready, and watching Kipper the Dog on the iPad.  Granted, she wanted to watch TV, but she was so caring that it was great to see her doing something unbidden for her sister.

Most Saturdays Shelley takes Anya to the Lowe's Build and Grow or Home Depot kids craft sessions at the stores.  I think the idea of these is that Dads and their kids can go do manly stuff together, but being that I'm little more than a half-man (if you compare my skills to the Man Chart that is out there somewhere), I punt and let Shelley go.  NO ONE wants me to be using a hammer if there needs to be a clean and neat outcome.  Anya loves the crap out of these events, and is close to earning herself a hammer at Lowes.  :)

My friend James Scofield made these amazing Millenium Falcon patches, and Shelley sewed it on a hat for me.  They are amazing.  I got a bunch extra from him and gave them out as Christmas gifts to the kids that I know love Star Wars.

Shelley has finished the tree, and it looks very nice.  Of course, I couldn't actually care less if we have a tree or not, but Shelley and the kids do, so therefore I do.  Hopefully that makes sense in the reading, as I hope it does.  It made sense in my head at least.

Did you know that Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer had two little girls?  Apparently his wife is a supermodel from Finland with all that blonde hair.  Some of you are thinking, don't you mean Sweden?  That's the stereotype.  Nope.  I mean Finland.  I'm partial to Finland.  There's way, way cooler people in Finland.  I've met 4 of them, and I'm sticking to my guns on this one.

This is a pic of the girls making presents for each other and pretending to be Santa.  It was ultra-cute, and occupied much of the morning hours while I slept and enjoyed the bed.  I got to see the last bits of it as I emerged at 7:30am.  Yes, our house is wacked.  I do see 7:30am on a Saturday as sleeping in hours past when I would normally get up on a non-work day due to a cute little gremlin that wakes up way before the sunshine on the off-chance that she can watch "a show" on the iPad.

Counting down to the big MRI on Wednesday 12-12-12 is the day we find out if things are progressing as everyone hopes, or if we are in the badlands.  I'm voting for staying in Michigan, and not finding ourselves wandering the ancestral holy lands of the Sioux.