It is Saturday night.
All the girls have been sleeping for.....an hour or so.
It is time I jumped on this horse and took a mosey, don't you agree?
I try to be adhering to the whole idea that "be nice, or shut up", or the better way of phrasing it that is the title to this blog post. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. I really do try though.
Last night I started blogging and it was just bile and hurt and pity and all other sorts of fecal matter. I had been on the phone with my work wife (former work wife? separated work wife? ....what's the term when you no longer work in the same building, but used to be simpatico work partners?) and my sister for a bit, and I was just getting sadder and sadder.
I'm lacking in details, and I know it, but I'm rambling towards a point. really!
Shelley said tonight that she's shocked that she's still able to be shocked on this journey, and that's how we both are. How can we still be shocked to hear stuff that rocks us on our heels?
The oncology team has told us repeatedly that one of the side effects of the Chemo regimen that we're on can be hearing loss. For us, it was a statement that was roughly like those horrific disclaimers on TV ads for anti-(something) meds, where you're suffering from mild heartburn and one of the possible side effects of taking the drug is that your skin will fall off and you'll suffer brain bleeding migraines. You know that it won't happen to you, but they have to warn you nonetheless.
Well, we learned that Amie is losing (permanently) hearing already because of her chemotherapy. At this point, it's only in the 8,000 to 10,000 (hertz?) range. This is the range of sound that falls in the dog whistle range. For now it's a good thing she's not a dog. However, it will continue to get worse, and it will be permanent.
We totally know that brain cancer has permanent effects, but the permanency of the now, of the right now, of the right now and forever and ever amen kind is somehow different. The idea that no matter what happens, her hearing is going to be diminished even if she comes out of this 100% from here out is a weird thing to accept. It's still soaking in.
Other than that, the new infusion of chemo seems to have really shot her down the "not doing great tube", and she's most likely not going to start round 3 of chemo this week, and will get it delayed a week. That means it will start on Thanksgiving eve. Luckily, being the vegetarians that we are, it's no big culinary loss.
On the positive side, Beth and Allyssa came out today, and rocked the girls' worlds. Shel and I got to get out and play! We went to a bookstore, drank coffee, browsed, and acted like things were normal (or close to normal as we can imagine). It was surreal and fun and amazing...
...and with that I need to get to sleep. Been a long day, and the girls will be up at 5am, no matter if I want them to or not.
Have a good night all.