Saturday, October 13, 2012

Floating on a the fumes of a good day...

As you might imagine, things can get a bit loopy when you spend all day in the hospital.

You're in control of virtually nothing, you can't really plan anything, and you just have to go with the flow of things.  For people who like to control their reality tightly, I can imagine this experience would pose a real problem to their sanity.

For Shelley, who likes things a very specific way most of the time, she has coped extremely well.  She does it through keeping our hospital room really clean and neat.  I do my best not to screw that up, being the traditionally disorderly boy/man that I am.

I say this as a prologue to telling you how today was a really nice day, and surprising in many ways.

I slept at home, in my bed last night.  We both sleep sooooo much better in our bed, not only because it's the best bed that's ever been made by human beings and seems to be made of small gnomes whose job it is to gently massage your aching muscles while you sleep.  We pay them in homemade cookies, which they love, by the way.

I got to the hospital around 9am, and Amelie was as cheery and chipper as we've seen (we posted that video for proof, yo.)  Shelley left the hospital for a few hours, braving Ann Arbor game day traffic.

Amelie has been doing better with fluid intake, so they gave us the OK to get off her IV (which we call her tail) and move around.    We sat on the window sill (they're large enough to fit me and her and Anya) and looked out at Nichols Arboretum and the fall colors, which are simply stunning.  I'll take a pic tomorrow to share.  We watched the cars drive around the hospital and on Fuller...kids playing soccer as the rain moved in.  We made funny faces into my camera.

Her incisions are also healing well.  This is her tiny incision, but feel free to not click through if you don't want to see it.

She kept asking to go for a walk, so I pulled out the stroller and we loaded into it.  It was great.  We walked around the 7th floor for almost 2 hours, saying "HI" to everyone, making friends, and seeking adventure.  We found a set of soccer goals and a basketball hoop, which delighted Amie to no end.  The girl loves to run, to kick.  That alone is hilarious as she was running up and down this lonely hallway kicking a soccer ball (I was being present in the moment and not documenting, which should make Miss Yaros smile).  We kept doing loops and loops of the hospital, and Amelie was in her element.

Sarah (the woman who introduced Shelley and I) came up for a visit, and then I headed out to see a movie.

As I've said before a week or so again when I saw the movie Looper, I love to see movies.  It's the primary way I shake off all the creepers and vines that are growing on my brain.  I escape into a story (doesn't matter if it's happy or not), find solace in it, and feel renewed (unless it royally sucks...).

Anyway, tonight I went and saw Argo.  It was fantastic, perfect, amazing.  Best movie that I've seen in a long, long time.  Perfect 10 for me.  I do not give 10s much.  Almost never.  Inception was the only one I could really think of in the last 10 years. Netflix isn't allowing me to look at my ratings, but can't really think of anything else.

Came back to the hospital, Amelie is asleep.  Kicked Shelley out after we debriefed, and now I'm sitting here reflecting on the day.

A friend (who I've only ever talked to over the internet) said to me tonight that if he were in the same situation: "i feel like i'd be in between "crying all the time", and "roving the streets at night looking for a hobo to punch"

To that, I can only say that I agree...until I feel the amazing and humbling and overwhelming support for my little girl, and for us as we try to shepherd her through this nightmare.  The gifts, the cards, the food, the messages, the posters, and everything else I'm not mentioning is so heartwarming to feel and see and experience.

I worked as a counselor at a camp two years ago (just as Amelie was getting ready to arrive), and they worked on what they called "BE" goals...to be better everyday.  I worked with my junior counselor, who I name checked above, and came up with the idea that I needed to "BE Present" for my family more, and in my life more.  Think less about where I was going, and focus more on where I was.

It's crazy to think that it took everything that's happened in the last calendar year (October 11th 2011 to today) to make me fully and solidly present in my life.  For all you MASC people out there.  Thanks for planting that seed.  :)

Night all.